In the first of what I hope will be a regular feature, I give you my super terrific football quiz: it’s all about the Three Lions today. Some questions are easy, some a bit trickier . . . I will update with the answers on Monday – no cheating with Wiki!
(By the way, all of the questions refer only to appearances and goals for the full, senior England national team)
1. – Which England great lists ‘creosoting fences’ amongst his hobbies?
2. – What prompted John Motson to exclaim “Ooooh, this is getting better, and better, and better!!!”?
3. – England, sadly, are well-known for their heartbreaking exits from major tournaments on penalties. Yet, only one striker has ever missed for the Three Lions in a shoot out. Can you name him?
4. – What embarrassing on-field calamity have Gary Lineker and David Batty both suffered?
5. – Who scored more goals for England: Robbie Fowler or Ian Wright?
6. – And who earned more England caps: Carlton Palmer or Matthew Le Tissier?
7. – Which then Leeds United team-mates both played every minute of England’s 2002 World Cup campaign in Japan/South Korea?
8. – Why was Graham Taylor oddly enraged when Carlton Palmer scored his only England goal, against San Marino?
9. – Against which opponents did Wayne Rooney score his first England goal?
10. – And who were the opponents when Michael Owen represented his country for the last time?
11. – Which England manager was reprimanded and forced to issue a public apology after he was photographed urinating on Bobby Moore’s shirt at a Christmas party?
12. – Two former England strikers, who regularly feature in lists of ‘Worst England Players Ever’, boast ‘perfect’ records of one appearance, one goal, for their country. Can you name them?
13. – Which Alan Smith received more England caps: the former Arsenal striker and current Sky Sports pundit, or Leeds United’s homegrown Smudger?
14. – True or False: Sir Alf Ramsey invented the discourse marker “As a matter of fact”?
15. – Who was the England manager when Andy Cole scored his only goal for the Three Lions, against Albania?
16. – Why did the cartoonist for the Daily Mirror draw David Beckham in a skirt as a running joke?
17. – Which England legend sparked outrage by telling the entire nation of Norway to “fuck off”?
18. – Which England manager once quoted Nietzsche to console a distraught player?
19. – And which England boss displayed his exquisite literary taste by referencing Saul Bellow in an interview?
20. – Which club was Rio Ferdinand signed to when he made his England debut?
21. – Finally, who made a tit of himself by blasting the performances of Frank Lampard and Steven Gerrard for the Three Lions, before playing like a total bell-end in his only England appearance?
Hope you had fun with that. Here are the answers:
1. Alan Shearer.
2. Michael Owen completing his hattrick in the 5-1 thwacking of Germany in Munich, 2001.
3. Darius Vassell.
4. They’ve both pooed themselves on the field of play.
5. Wrighty. He got 9 in 33 appearances, while the Toxteth Terror managed 7 in 26.
6. Carlton Palmer. He was capped 18 times, while Le Tiss only made 8 appearances for the full national team.
7. Rio Ferdinand and Danny Mills.
8. Because he “told him to fucking stay back!”
9. Against Macedonia, in a qualifier for Euro 2004.
10. France, in a friendly; he came on for the second half in what would be his only appearance under Fabio Capello.
11. No-one, this never happened!
12. Francis Jeffers and David Nugent.
13. The Leeds Smithy. He represented England 19 times, as against the Gunner’s 13.
15. Howard Wilkinson, on caretaker duty between Kevin Keegan’s resignation and Sven-Goran Eriksson’s appointment.
16. Because Becks once sashayed down the catwalk in a sarong, at one of Victoria’s fashion bashes. As if we didn’t already know who wears the trousers in that house!
17. Paul Gascoigne who, when asked by a Norwegian TV crew to “say a few words to Norway”, replied simply “Fuck off Norway”.
18. Terry Venables, who told Gareth Southgate “What doesn’t kill me makes me stronger” after he missed the decisive penalty in the semi-final shoot out against Germany, at Euro 96.
19. Roy Hodgson.
20. West Ham Utd.
21. Joey Barton, of course!
Hope you enjoyed that!