Clegg a Bit of a C… Agrees Entire Party

Liberal Democrat party leader and MP for Sheffield Hallam Nick Clegg may appropriately be referred to using an extremely strong expletive connoting female genitalia, according to everyone associated with the party, including himself. “Naturally we all wear sandals, insist that tofu is absolutely as delicious as any animal-based eatative, regard every edition of the Guardian or Observer as a sacred text, and like to think that there are still wimmin fannying around on Greenham Common, for reasons none of us can really remember” explained Solihull-based party activist Bill Waddington, “so we’re obviously loathe to use an epithet that is so readily, and eagerly, deployed by people who probably aren’t very nice. Nevertheless, if you were to superimpose a picture of that new World Cup stadium in Qatar on Cleggy’s head, we’d all definitely say ‘Yep, that’s our boy alright’, without a doubt. I like to refer to him variously as a CU Next Tuesday, a James Blunt, or Twatty Arbuckle.” “I hope he dies soon” agreed Primula Church, Liberal Democrat candidate for Chipping Sodbury North, “although I have complete confidence in him as our leader.”

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