Nugent Unsure of Whose Survival Bid He’s Supposed to Be Abetting

England goalscoring legend and noted bell-end David Nugent has admitted that he is confused about which team – Leicester City or Burnley – he is supposed to be helping to remain in the Premier League, ahead of their crunch clash at Turf Moor on Saturday. “Obviously, it’s not easy when you have to begin every sentence with ‘obviously'” the striker observed in an exclusive interview with Jacqui Oatley for Radio Five Live, “sorry, I’ll try that again. At the end of the day, I’m paid to score goals. It’s my job. It’s what I do. The problem is, when you’ve played for so many relegation-threatened teams, and spent pretty much you’re whole career being a top-end Championship marksman and a bottom-end Premier League struggler, they all tend to blur into one. I’m not sure where Leicester is, or even if it really exists – but Argentinean footballers like Leonardo Ulloa and Esteban Cambiasso, purporting to be my teammates, keep telling me that they’re who I currently play for. Burnley has more of an emotional pull for me, and I have clearer memories of that – so, if they’re right, it’s going to be very difficult to resist doing an Iain Dowie if I find myself back ‘defending’ a corner at any point. And then I’d shout ‘fucking yes!’ or ‘get in!’ or something like that while pumping my fists, and wonder why no-one was celebrating with me.”

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