Corbyn: Seagulls ‘Zionist Propaganda Stooges’

Labour party leadership race frontrunner Jeremy Corbyn has sensationally claimed that the seagulls currently terrorising residents and tourists in British coastal communities are acting at the behest of the Israeli state. In his inaugural address to Comrades United, Never Tamed – an avowedly socialist Labour splinter group regarded by many as a kind of new Militant Tendency – he observed that “the British public are terrified of these seagulls, constantly dive-bombing people to try to steal their snacks and pooing all over the place with complete impunity. Netanyahu knows this, and of course he’s going to exploit it.” He went on to explain that it is as yet unclear whether the horrible seabirds are knowingly acting in cahoots with Mossad or are themselves innocent victims of its sinister machinations, and also noted the practice of ‘ostrich-washing’ – Israel’s long-standing tactic of “deploying cute baby ostriches to deflect attention from the crimes of the Occupation.” Labour party officials have been unwilling to comment publicly upon Mr Corbyn’s allegations – although one former staffer to Gordon Brown, speaking on condition of anonymity, described him as “a massive bell-end.”

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