Milner at Peace with ‘Soft Lad’ Label

Liverpool midfielder Jamie Milner insists that he has no problem with being referred to as “soft lad” * by his teammates, it has emerged.

“There’s been an alarming decline in the levels of scouseness at this club since the retirement of Jamie Carragher and the departure of Stevie G.”, explained manager Jürgen Klopp speaking to Radio 5 Live this morning, “so I’ve taken these extraordinary steps for the sake of team spirit and morale. Basically, in training, Jamie has to wear a shellsuit and black curly-haired wig with a taped-on moustache – and if there are any disagreements between players, he has to march over bobbing his hands up and down and say something like ‘Now eh lads, calm down, calm down!’ He’s been pretty shit at football for us so far, but I have to say he’s great in the role of comedy scouser. The fact that his scouse accent really isn’t very good only makes it more hilarious.”

The player himself has admitted to being somewhat non-plussed, at first, by his change of role at the club. “To be fair, I’d rather participate in training normally and just concentrate on my game” he told the Liverpool Echo when asked for a comment on his manager’s revelations, “but obviously, at the end of the day, Jürgen is a top, top, international class coach – so who am I to question his methods?”

* Properly pronounced “shoft lad”

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