Ferdinand First Human to be Granted Immortality

Big Les receives the good news

Big Les receives the good news

Former QPR, Newcastle United and England footballer Les Ferdinand will live forever, it has been revealed. Speaking at a hastily convened press conference in Bexhill, God made the announcement, noting that He had been considering bestowing eternal life upon a human for some time, and ultimately elected to give the nod to ‘Big Les’ – over several shortlisted contenders including Kirsten Dunst, Richard from Pointless and former South Korean President Lee Myung Bak – in recognition of his many achievements in the game, and despite the fact that he played for Newcastle. Ferdinand will spend the rest of eternity as a 37 year-old who can “still do a job for you”, and reportedly expressed an interest in learning to play the oboe on being informed of the decision.

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