Liverpool’s penalty king and resident comedy Scouser Jamie Milner can’t remember whether he ever played for Stoke City, it has emerged. Speaking to Sky Sports on Monday, following the Reds’ battling victory over the Potters last weekend, the player recalled a conversation on the team bus which has left him plunged into existential doubt. “We were about five miles from the Britannia when Henderson remarked on all the ex-Liverpool boys we’d see there – Crouchy, Charlie Adam, Joe Allen and Glen Johnson. And then Coutinho said ‘But none of us ever played for Stoke, right?’ We all nodded, but then Sturridge piped up: ‘What about Milner? Jamie, didn’t you have a season on loan at Stoke a few years ago?’ Automatically, I said ‘Yeah’ but then I checked myself and said ‘Hang on, actually, I don’t know!’ None of the other boys were sure, either. I can’t honestly recall donning the red and white stripes and turning out at the Britannia, but I feel like I must have done, somehow. I’ve been on Wikipedia, but there’s no mention of it. And I spoke to Tony Pulis, and he doesn’t know either. So if anyone has any video footage, or my appearance and goals stats for Stoke, I’d really appreciate it if they got in touch. I’m sure I would have been very industrious for them, and it would be a pity if all that was forgotten.”
Sky Sports pundit Phil Thompson speculated that, not for the first time in his career, Milner may be confusing himself with Stewart Downing.