May to Critics: “You’re all gonna swivel on it.”


You can all lick UK Prime Minister Theresa May’s pussy while she paints her fingernails, it has been confirmed. Speaking to John Humphrys on Radio Four this morning, following her announcement of a snap general election in June, the Tory leader observed: “In just a few short weeks, all of those silly dickheads who’ve been giving me shit about not being elected will have to stick it right up their bollocks. Labour’s a joke, I’m the Prime Minister and will continue to be so – and if you don’t like it, you can fucking well choke on it.”

When pressed for more detail about the government’s plans for managing the process of leaving the European Union, May coldly replied, “My way or the highway, bitch”, and concluded the interview. Party insiders have refused to elaborate upon her comments.

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