Tag Archives: John Humphrys

May to Critics: “You’re all gonna swivel on it.”

You can all lick UK Prime Minister Theresa May’s pussy while she paints her fingernails, it has been confirmed. Speaking to John Humphrys on Radio Four this morning, following her announcement of a snap general election in June, the Tory … Continue reading

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Man Still Pretending David Bowie Was His Musical Hero

A man from Staplehurst in Kent is still pretending to be devastated that David Bowie is no longer with us more than a year after the legendary artist’s passing, it has emerged. 39 year-old Alan Guppy, talking to John Humphrys … Continue reading

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Victoria’s Secret ‘Angels’ Actually Just People

The models who participated in the Victoria’s Secret fashion show in Paris this week are not, in fact, angels at all, research has revealed. Professor Dirk Von Kluftwing, Professor of Biology at the University of Maidenhead, recently published his findings … Continue reading

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Wales: Wikipedia “finally finished”

The vast online encyclopedia Wikipedia has finally been completed, its relieved co-founder Jimmy Wales has announced. “I’ve been slaving away writing all this shit for years”, the entrepreneur revealed to John Humphrys on BBC Radio Four’s Today programme this morning, … Continue reading

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Colchester Woman Knows the Value of Everything and the Price of Nothing

A woman from Essex is very good at recognising what is truly important in life but hopeless at remembering what things cost, it has emerged. Speaking to John Humphrys on Radio Four’s Today programme, 42 year-old Colchester resident Anna Jenkins … Continue reading

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Left Seeks to Win People Over with Insults and Abuse

The British left intends to persist with its strategy of wooing floating voters by constantly calling them stupid, racist wankers, it has emerged. Interviewed by John Humphrys on BBC Radio Four’s Today programme, Andy Green, of the Labour-affiliated Institute for … Continue reading

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Man Called Keith Doesn’t Like Toast

Keith Davies, a 41 year-old bank clerk from Maidenhead is not that keen on toast, it has emerged. “I know a lot of people like it, because it’s warm and crispy and they like the texture or whatever” he explained … Continue reading

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